Insane job requirements

I think everybody in the general IT business has ran into some pretty crazy job post requirements on their life. I’ve just had one of those moments; I got an email forwarded by a former coworker… and while the company on this job posting doesn’t fall for the obvious choice of asking for more years of experience on a tool than the years that the tool has actually been out, they ask for advanced and intermediary skills on so many different tools that the person they ask can’t actually exist – if he/she did exist, he’d be someone so rare and expensive that it’d be better to hire two or three different people instead. And how many Combustion users do you know that would happily do tasks in excel, then code Actionscript and fix your Windows 2003 network in the meantime?

Anyways, here’s the job post in its entirety – quickly translated from brazilian portuguese – and with a few names fixed. Feel free to contact them if you have the skills required.

Company: Confidential
Task: Marketing Assistant and Programmer
Field: Institutional
Salary: To be discussed + benefits

Image editing
Photoshop (intermediary);

Vector drawing
Corel draw / Illustrator / FreeHand (intermediary);

Desktop publishing
InDesign CS (advanced);

Video composing
After Effects / Combustion (intermediary);

Video editing
Premiere / Vegas (intermediary);

3D Packages
3D Max (intermediary);

Microsoft tools
Word, Powerpoint, Excel (intermediary);

Web
Flash MX, Flash MX 2004 (intermediary);
DreamWeaver MX (intermediary);

Programming
Access (advanced);
VB .NET (advanced);
SQL (advanced);
PHP (advanced);
XML (advanced);
ActionScript (advanced);

Operating Systems
Windows
Windows 2000 pro (user)
Windows XP pro (user)
Windows 2000 server (administrator)
Windows 2003 server (administrator)

Candidates will prove their knowledge in a practical test. Certifications will be used for the decision in case of a tie.

Location: São Paulo – next to the Higienópolis Shopping Mall

Candidates must send a curriculum + works to mail@binyanolam.org.br.
PS: Only curriculums with salary quotes will be considered.

  • you KNOW they are only lookin to pay someone an entry-level salary or that position…

  • i mean, for that position (time for a new keyboard).

  • Amazing !
    Does cooking knowledge is required ? ^^

  • “…how many Combustion users do you know that would happily do tasks in excel, then code Actionscript and fix your Windows 2003 network in the meantime?”

    LOL!!!

  • Mike Britton

    Coincidentally I have the skills for that position, and my price is three-hundred thousand dollars.

  • That’s not so bad. I use 90% of those in my monthly work and I would say I’m intermediary where required.

  • I have the skills required for this position. But I’ll have to charge a small fee for reading this before we can discuss this opportunity further.

    (joking)